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The Mystical Ninja Returns… June 30, 2009

Posted by Matthew in News, Stuff, Vids.
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..in a fucking pachinko game. Oh Japan.

It’s a shame, really, since a new Goemon game in the same vein as Mystical Ninja: Starring Goemon/Goemon’s Great Adventure using the same art style as that trailer would no doubt be brilliant.


Nathan Fillion With A Sniper Rifle June 28, 2009

Posted by Matthew in Stuff.
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Awesome. I presume it’s something to do with Halo 3: ODST. That is all.

STFUAJPGM June 27, 2009

Posted by Matthew in Chiptune, News.


I don’t know what the hell that acronym stands for, but this is interesting. Taken from the site, this is what it’s all about:

STFUAJPGM is a miniature mixtape and magazine with a focus on the freely distributed music within the chiptune community. We hope to explore an array of themes inspired by video game culture (and more) in each episode, by use of short articles, videos, pixel art, and of course: music.

Each episode is split into separate acts and has it’s own little story to read along with it. There have been two so far:

Episode 1: The Story of a Hero

What Makes a hero? What runs through your mind when you’ve take thousands of lives?

Episode 0 (The Pilot): A Love Story

What better way to start a mixtabe series than expore the story of an 8bit couple?


It’s fantastic and definitely worth a listen. You can keep up to date with the release of new episodes by following their Twitter HERE.

Punch-Out!! Hoodie June 27, 2009

Posted by Matthew in Collectables, Stuff, Wii.

Still on the subject of Punch-Out!!, I don’t care if it’s pink but I want one of these:


A replica of the hoodie Little Mac wears during the famous ending scene in Punch-Out on the NES:


Which contains one of my favourite pieces of video game music ever:


Hundred Word Review – Punch-Out!! June 27, 2009

Posted by Matthew in Review, Wii.


This Wii version is a remake of sorts of the NES original – it contains a mix of characters from that and the SNES version. Little Mac makes a welcome return and the gameplay has stayed pretty much the same. Memorising opponents attack patterns and striking when they leave themselves open to attack is essential to winning. It’s very hard at times but the sense of triumph when you land a winning blow is just brilliant. The cel-shaded visuals look fantastic and the remixed song sound great.  Arguably it’s the best example you’ll see on how to resurrect a classic franchise.


Random Gaming Irritations #395 June 27, 2009

Posted by Matthew in Feature, Gaming Irritations, Wii.

Wii game that use the pointer functionality in the menus but not in game, leading to a lot of annoying switching around.

Gaming Related Motivational Posters June 18, 2009

Posted by Matthew in Feature, Stuff.

I remember there being a massive thread on NeoGAF a while ago in which members designed their own gaming-related motivational posters, I don’t have the link but it can probably be easily found via Google. Here are a few that I saved, all credit to the folk that created them etc.

E3: The Games I Can’t Wait For… June 10, 2009

Posted by Matthew in E3, Feature, Halo 3, PS3, Wii, Xbox 360.
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…but I’ll have to. Now that it’s over and I’ve had a good amount of time to digest all the information, I thought I’d write some stuff up about it. It was a hell of a lot better than last years underwhelming, down-sized event and was a return to the E3 of old. Rather than boring summaries of each conference, I’ll just talk about the games that I’m most interested in. Click below for the good stuff.


Damnation Review (Xbox 360) June 1, 2009

Posted by Matthew in Review, shat, Xbox 360.

Piece of shit

Terrible, in a word. From what I understand, this started off life as some sort of Unreal Tournament mod. It should have stayed that way but you’d be forgiving for thinking it has, given how shoddy this game is. Upon starting it up, you might instantly notice that the menus are pretty much copied straight from Gears of War and the difficulty levels are labeled exactly the same. It gives you the idea of the laziness the game has in store for you.

It’s been touted as a steampunk western, but it’s really nothing of the sort and it’s derivative looks make it seem like any generic Unreal Engine game. A lot has been made of the platforming gameplay and “verticallity” aspect of the levels. While the platforming is decent, there’s nothing here that hasn’t been done better by Prince of Persia: Sands of Time back in 2003 or, going back further, the original Tomb Raider games. Despite this, the levels are certainly impressive in their sense of scale, and looking down hundreds of feet on areas you have previously traversed gives a good sense of achievement. However, this does all come at a price. The levels are massive and go on for far too long, often leaving you bored to tears by the end of them. The developers have tried to alleviate this by introducing vehicle sections to break up the tedium, but these become boring very quickly and are poorly done.

The combat is pretty dire. The selection of weapons is surprisingly small and pretty much all of them feel very weak and pathetic. The shooting mechanics feel very twitchy and imprecise – it’s often hard to tell if you are hitting the enemies and they seem to take too much punishment before dying. Thankfully this is balanced out by the frankly shit AI. Enemy soldiers will happily stand in front of you doing nothing, inviting as much free hits as you want. Throughout most of the game you are accompanied by friendly AI who are just as rubbish as the enemies. If they do actually bother to help you fight, they couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a bloody cello, let alone a banjo. You are also randomly given some sort of X-Ray vision power which lets you see all the enemies in the area. It is pretty helpful, but it reveals the cheap trick of enemies suddenly teleporting into areas which were previously empty.

Now onto to the bugs and glitches, then. Texture pop-in, flashing textures, floating enemies, enemies spazzing-out after dying, enemies stuck in scenery, weapons vanishing from your inventory etc. I could go on but you get the idea. The game is very unpolished and unfinished. Although I can totally see where they were trying to go and what they were trying to do with the game, it seems like a case of the developer has bitten off more than they can chew, and that the original concept was just too ambitious for them.

Surprisingly, this game has both online co-op and multiplayer deathmatch. I didn’t have the pleasure of trying out the multiplayer, but I’m assuming it’s equally as awful as the singleplayer – that’s if there is actually anyone playing the bloody thing.

To summarise: worst game I’ve played this year, and arguably the worst I’ve played this generation – it gives Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad a run for it’s money. I traded it in as soon as I finished it and I think I even broke my personal record for fastest trade-in ever after buying (previously held by Assassin’s Creed). I’d certainly not recommend wasting money on Damnation, or possibly even renting it unless you have a thing for lemons like this.